Whose god do I have to screw to get elected around here?

I went out on an RSVP date a couple of days ago. Now I know I promised a few weeks ago that I wouldn’t be writing about my dating experiences anymore, but I think this is alright – I can write about this experience because:

1. I’m not going to be saying anything particularly personal or identifying about the person, and
2. It’s looking completely unlikely that we’ll be going out ever again.

Now the reason this woman and I are completely unlikely to ever go out again is something that I said about religion. Well, at least I’m assuming that was it. I mean, I’m hyper intelligent, have a wit to match Oscar Wilde and have rock-hard abs of steel (plus a tendency for exaggeration) so it couldn’t be anything else.

I should have known better, really. This is how it went.

She says she was born and bred a Catholic, which she follows up with, “and so do you have any faith?”

So I say “well, I was born a Catholic…” her eyes light up “and I still regard myself as having some spiritual beliefs…” still good “but I think religions are disgusting, unevolved and are responsible for most of the major problems the world has.”

That might have been the moment.

But then she comes back with a line of argument I haven’t heard before, about how when most religions started, they gave desperately needed order and guidance to a people who sorely needed. (She was the thinking man’s Catholic)

“Fair enough,” I say, “but they still went and fucked it all up pretty quick, didn’t they?”

If I hadn’t killed it earlier, that probably did it.

So I might have to work on my dating skills a little. Perhaps absolute honesty is not the way to go… I suppose though it was good to find out the whole clash on religion thing right at the beginning. In idle moments – you know, just walking down the street kicking an aluminium can – I’ve thought about my wedding, and have decided that there’s no way in the layers of hell (literally and figuratively) that I’m going to get married in a church. Unless it’s been deconsecrated of course. The last proper church wedding I went to I felt ill.

Just how would you go about deconsecrating something, anyway? Sacrifice a goat? Does consecration have an expiry date? Maybe it’s like a driver’s licence: you get your consecrating for 1, 3 or 5 years, depending on how much you pay, and then you have to get in a registered bishop or iman or rabbi or something to come out and do the whole thing again. If you pay enough, the Pope comes and does it and it lasts for 10-15 years…

Alright, now I’m rambling – post-failed date analysis over.

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