Am I Still Single?
Over the last fortnight, a couple of people have asked me whether I’ve been dating someone. One comment was in relation to my infrequent recent blogging habits, surmising that I’d been neglecting that in favour of devoting more time to that special someone. This would be a fair enough excuse – it appears quite typical for people to neglect certain things when they first start a relationship.
I have one friend who I only ever see when he is single. As soon as he gets dumped or breaks it off with someone he’s on the phone, chatting away, seeing how I’ve been, suggesting we hang out – I can’t believe it’s been so long… but then as soon as he starts seeing someone, like Alice down the rabbit hole he disappears into a mysterious Couples World, only to be sighted fleetingly at large social gatherings. Thankfully none of his relationships so far have lasted more than twelve months, but I’m a little worried what will happen if one day he meets a keeper.
The other person thought that I was dating someone because I looked happy and healthy. I suppose that would make sense too. People do tend to get a spring in their step when they start seeing someone. But for me, this stage is typically a rebalancing. When I like someone, and am in that in-between uncertain anticipatory stage of flirting and innuendo, it drives me completely up the wall. I check my email and phone every five minutes hoping that she’s sent something. If she has or does it’s a sign that I’m in with a chance, and I’m ecstatic. At least until I make the next point of contact. After this, depending on what I have said and how she reacts to it, the possibility of us is either closer or further away. And I won’t know which until she makes the next contact. So I keep checking my email and phone…
It’s a vicious circle. I am an expert at this, having developed my technique over both continents and decades. As you can imagine, it’s a rollercoaster, and so in this state I’m likely to be swinging between the best and worst of who I can be. Generally when I’m around others I’m displaying the worst, except when I’m in that in-between stage of thinking I’m in with a chance she’s just contacted me, and then not being sure after I’ve sent my reply. In the past, most of the time the anxiety got the better of me and I never actually asked her out.
When on the odd occasion the anxiety ridden innuendo has culminated in an actual relationship, the good mood that I appear to be in is actually what I’m normally like. It’s just that it’s such a marked contrast to the state of hair-pulling anxiety I’ve been in that it appears to everyone around me that I look happy and healthy.
It’s been about a year now since I was blogging regularly about dating. It coincided with me getting properly into the dating thing after a long time perfecting the anxiety technique. I’m a lot more direct these days, and do everything I can to get through the innuendo and out the other side as soon as humanly possible. As you might be gathering, I was a real tragic back then. I like to think I’m better now.
One thing I decided after my last relationship is that I won’t be writing about the ins-and-outs of my dating process and procedure. At the time I had to, I had absolutely no recourse but to write my way out of the funk I was in. But doing that – writing about it – created some problems once I was actually in the relationship, so it’s probably best if I fly solo from here on in. Thankfully for you, I have plenty of embarrassing bad date stories to keep you entertained.
