Goldfish in Love (or How to Tie a Bow Tie)

By May 11, 2008December 14th, 2013Food for thought, Photography

I’ve been to more weddings in the last month than I normally go to in a year – and the suit I bought a few months ago is getting more uses than any other suit than I’ve ever had. I’ve learnt to tie a bow tie, I’ve waltzed and I’ve met kooky uncles and aunties, which surely are a necessity for any successful wedding.

Here’s the video I used to teach me how to tie a bow tie. Thanks Lucky and Dave.

On the way to the wedding I went to yesterday, I realised I didn’t have a card and so ducked into a shop in Northpoint Plaza to grab one. I couldn’t see any wedding cards, so I just picked a plain one, with two goldfish on it. Why did I choose that one? It was the only card with two of something on it.

Later in the day (when I was supposed to be drafting a post for here) I instead spent some of the time before the reception penning a few words for inside the card. I figured that seeing as though the present they were getting was pretty lame, I should at least make an effort over the words.

So because I didn’t get to write my post about what I wanted to, I’ll instead post the message I wrote in their wedding card.

There’s an urban myth the goldfish have no memories, that once they swim around their bowl a couple of times they forget what they were doing, and also why they were doing it.

But this isn’t true, it’s just a story told by pet store owners so people wouldn’t feel guilty about cruelly keeping goldfish in tiny glass bowls.

There’s also a myth that love fades over time, that after a couple of years the spark disappears and all that is left is the rigid monotony of day-to-day living.

But this isn’t true either, it’s just a lie told by people who don’t understand love, who confuse it with lust and who fail to realise that everything changes.

Because everything does – you, me, us, them. Love. We all change and grow as certainly as time passes.

And so the beauty of marriage, and love, is that two people choose to change and grow together, with the surety that the longer they live in love, the stronger that love will grow.

A little sappy I suppose. I don’t think I have much of a career in writing wedding card inlays. It might also be a little bit hypocritical too, because I think I’m the last person who should by writing about what love or marriage is or isn’t.

I’ve felt love, certainly, but been ‘in love’? I don’t think so. I’ve never said “I love you” to a significant other. There have been two occasions where I almost did. On the first occasion my girlfriend at the time thought that I was mouthing “I love you,” as we drove along in the back of a 4WD somewhere up near Coffs Harbour. But in reality I was mouthing “my left shoe” which looks quite similar.

The second time was when I was living in London and my girlfriend and I at the time were in the midst of naked bedroom dancing when I suddenly felt the urge to say those three little words. But I didn’t. I held myself back. Goodness knows why. I think perhaps I’m saving myself for marriage.


  • phauna says:

    Just say it and get it over and done with. You can tell me, if you like. Walk up to the next girl you see and spit it out. Words are kind of meaningless compared to your actual thoughts and feelings.

  • sansIcarus says:

    I don’t know about that phauna. If I love someone, how do they know unless I tell them? with words I expect.

    I’d be more inclined to say thoughts and feelings are meaningless compared to actions and words.

    thanks for the offer though.

  • phauna says:

    What I mean is, it’s easy to say I love you if you don’t mean it. And, presumably, it’s even easier to say it if you do mean it. If you love someone already, saying it changes nothing. If you don’t love them, saying it may improve the situation. Of course actions are more meaningful than thoughts and feelings, but speech doesn’t really count as an action. If you want to kill someone, cool, but if you kill them, uncool. If you say you are going to kill them, well it’s nothing unless you mean to do it.

  • sansIcarus says:

    It appears your argument re. saying ‘I love you’ relies on the willingness and ability to lie to someone in that situation. Not an option for me I’m afraid.

    Also, if you tell someone you’re going to kill them, and they believe you, they’ll probably respond accordingly. How is telling someone you’re going to kill them not an action?

  • Isabelle says:

    I like your wedding card and agree with your interpretation of love and marriage.

    You are not the only person who finds it difficult to say ‘I love you’. A friend of mine can only manage to say ‘I am very fond of you’ since he divorced with his wife. I think for some people, ‘I love you’ is not only an expression of an intense feeling, but also a promise for eternity and a commitment for lifelong actions.

    So you might indeed be saving it for your marriage.

  • sansIcarus says:

    Isabelle, that ‘promise’ thing hits it right on the head for me. Though it’s not so much a promise in terms of legally binding, but more an expression of an intense feeling that has no foreseeable end point.

  • Francie says:

    Boldi, I was super impressed by your wedding card blurb. I think you have a talent and a future in the business. Cards are so shit because there is never anything heart felt written in them.

    Been referred to as a goldfish by my beloved before. Don’t feel too bad about that now either 🙂 Thanks!

  • sansIcarus says:

    Thanks to you, Francie. If you know any one who’s into designing things like that, send them my way.

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